So, you’re in their room, in their bed, Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space is playing and now they’re in you - literally, figuratively? Moments before this you had let them see what you look like when you’re horrified and crying. For the first time. It’s alright. You’ve decided that death and fearing it is about as carnal as fucking and being fucked. All...
My father wanted a girl, but my mother wanted a boy. My father picked my name, but my mother wanted nothing to do with it. My father would brush my hair until it was straight, but my mother liked it better when it was wavy. My father smacked me only once, but my mother Does this have anything to do with anything?
gallowpieces: once she said to me this, “i coughed up a bouquet in the stall spat out some flowers gagged on some beauty drooled splendor on the porcelain and i thought to myself, if anyone were here to see this i don’t think they’d understand me hacking and choking on irises so i picked myself up flushed the flowers away”
Running his fingers through my hair and over my collarbones explaining what he’s scared of and I wonder I wonder I wonder so hard
Said the stranger
You seem lonely and helpless I still think you’re really cute
I am vulnerable. Starved for kindness, and when I receive it, I lose my mind.– Marjorie Liu
Sit in the Liar Corner. No one is aware of the purpose of this corner except for the other liars around you. You all sit there because you have gaps to fill on your food diary and only minutes left before you get in. It’s as much part of the ritual to lie as anything else. Breathe in. Step in. Sit down. Wait. Hear the nurse call your name. Strip down to your underwear. Glare at the nurse....
Last time I really really listened to music it was Big Black’s Atomizer and I was shoving all of my bullshit into a suitcase preparing to move out of the last house in Toronto I could briefly call my own and thinking about wether or not I should be drinking that (much) beer and thinking about counting time and thinking about kissing and thinking about what it must feel like to set yourself...
Have you ever been so overwhelmed that all you can smell is ammonia
Let me the fuck off this bus I can’t handle it anymore. I dismissed two things I love and I am left with one other thing
Trying on new clothes you can’t afford or are even interested in buying simply because you enjoy the fact that you’re suddenly 15 pounds lighter Do you realize how dangerous this is Waking up never knowing where you are or what time it is or what year it is or what is and what’s not Do you realize how dangerous this is Seeing blood under your fingernails before you realize...
And then my friend said I’m sorry your heart can’t catch a break and the more I think about it the more inappropriately amused I am at her choice of words
Was it anything more than a “good enough” way for the youngest version of myself to respond to the Manic Depression I’ve been in denial of for perhaps just as long? Was even that said manic depression anything more than a side effect of me swallowing a bucket full of lead paint as a baby? Am I only terrified of food because I think that my parents hid drugs in it like they did when I couldn’t...
Where you come from is gone, where you thought you were going to was never there, and where you are is no good unless you can get away from it. Where is there a place for you to be? No place. Nothing outside you can give you any place… Flannery O’Connor, Wise Blood.
The one who used to take care of my brain once compared it, not too ingeniously but still to the point, to a glass that is full to the rim; any extra drop and it will spill over. And there’s nothing you can really do about, is there? When it’s too much, it’s too much. I run into someone new who is immediately kind enough to pull me from dread and apprehension before I fall into...
In my dream last night, months after you last visited, we were at a place full of trinkets and pretty dresses - much like the ones you would find in daydreams of exploring our respective homelands in each other’s company. I grabbed the one dress that was baby blue and I felt your hand squeezing mine. You said, “We had promised each other this would happen one day”. I squeezed...
Keep it together. We’re messy enough without being splayed all over the floor. But how though I just fucking miss you so fucking much fuck
But I made promises
I am capable but this isn’t working/I am not capable and that’s why this isn’t working/I am capable but this isn’t working/I am not capable and that’s why this isn’t working/I am capable but this isn’t working/I am not capable and that’s why this isn’t working/I am capable but this isn’t working/I am not capable and that’s why this...